Wellllllll, my great-aunt died over the weekend and her funeral was today in West Chester. It was a two-hour bus ride (without wifi on the way, grr) for me and an eight-hour drive for Pops, who had already been to Cleveland and New York over the past couple weeks.

The ceremony was nice but made me appreciate my mom's that much more. Hearing things like "I didn't know Claire, but xyz God Jesus salvation blah blah" made me want to throw up.

And while it seems like lately all the extended family meetups have been due to dire circumstances, typically death, it's sort of bizarrely comfortable to see everyone again. Everyone looks the same, just a little saggier. So it goes.

Anyway, my dad is a pretty awesome guy and picked me up in Philly; we drove around with his new girlfriend Charlotte, the GPS, saw the family, made an appearance, went to Wawa and Acme (necessities) and he dropped me off at the bus...place when all is said and done. He is the best dad ever.

And now I am on the Bolt Bus headed home so I can drop off my key for Alice (who left me several panicked emails until I called her saying I was at a funeral; she shut up) and wash my face and go to bed. This has been a loooooooong day.

BONUS: PEOPLE I SAT WITH

The first chick was wearing a red dress, drinking orange soda from McDonalds and eating some gross thing that smelled vaguely fishy from the same establishment. She asked me if I lived in NY or Philly. I said New York. She got up and left five minutes later. BYE! HAVE A NICE TRIP!

The guy I sat next to next was pretty much a dead wringer for Jeffy Keller. He came up to my seat about 20 minutes into the trip and said, "I'd like to sit here" so I moved my stuff. "Someone thinks it is important to share every detail of her trip to Israel on the phone with her friends," he said. "Every single friend."

He took out his BlackBerry and was texting and emailing and whatnot and then took out an iPod and a book of Beethoven scores that had notes written in pencil. Okay, so does he play or conduct? I texted Melania and was, like, "I think Jazzy Jeff's long lost twin is sitting next to me' and she egged me on enough to talk to this poor dude. As we were pulling in, I blurted out, "do you play or conduct?"

He was a conductor; I said I had played trumpet poorly throughout school and he grinned and asked where OU was in relation to OSU.  I said he reminded me of JJ and he laughed and said maybe I should practice.

OMG IT WAS A KELLER. IT HAD TO BE

Things are looking up! I had a very good day, yesterday, weekend in general, etc. And now wifi has failed me yet again so I am at Starbucks doing worky things.

okbye

I don't know what I want to do with my life . . . I was thinking about this the other day and it started stressing me out.

I am over the internet, honestly - I don't like having to think about quality vs. quantity vs. pageviews vs. ad revenue vs. vs. vs. vs. whatever the fuck.

I mentally made a list of stuff I want to do in at least the next ten years.

-go back to school (but for what)
-start my own nonprofit (but for what)
-teach teenagers that pulling out is not a form of contraception
-teach children manners because they need a new Mr. Rogers

but how am I supposed to do that without starting a YouTube show called Miss Natalia's Manners Hour?

ugh fuck

my bonnie lies over the ocean
my bonnie lies over the sea
my bonnie lies over the ocean
oh bring back my bonnie to me

it does not get easier

 
coworker: he legally changed his name?
me: i don't know!!! between the name and the chain around his neck i am rolling
coworker: hahaha
coworker: he could be a rapper
me: probably
me: i don't think he can leave the state tho
me: INDIANA TOUR!
coworker: he probably dresses up as a t-rex to lure the hcildren
me: I'M GONNA TAKE YOU BACK TO THE CRETACEOUS IF YOU DON'T GET IN MY VAN
coworker: his character's name is barney
coworker: and he is purple
me: HI BOYS AND GIRLS
coworker: hahaha

emails are down again and i have posts up for the next two days so i'm just kind of treading water right now. i looked out the window and it was sunny - for once - after a month of shitty rain ruining moments. i want to go out and play!

this weekend was fun - we met a year ago saturday! - so zach and i went out to prospect park to hang out and meet up with emma after far too long. he killed me in scrabble - TWO! BINGOS (bingoes?) - and we headed back to astoria after ominous rain clouds started following us. it seemed like a good idea to eat dinner out, so we got off the train at second avenue and ran eight blocks toward mulberry in the pouring rain. flip-flops were a poor choice, natalia. discouraged and disgruntled, we jumped on the r at prince and endured the "oh shiiiiit"s from fellow subway passengers once they saw our soggy rumps. fuck all of you, thank you very much. $5 chicken and broccoli, a $10 bottle of wine and warming back up on the couch made everything much better.

aleksander texted me yesterday saying "billy mays died." and i did not believe him. i asked for more specificity and he said "he got hit on the head by plane stuff," which, even for him, is too random to be made up. i saw it online later that day and i'm still sort of in disbelief. one of my coworkers met him two weeks ago and said he was fine - a really nice guy - and i don't really believe it. i was sort of surprised at how sad i was, too. this is someone i've never met who hawks overpriced Pledge...and yet...here i am watching tribute videos on youtube.

talked to our dad on gchat today and he proposed renting a car and coming up for the weekend this weekend! AHHHHHH! i'm very excited to show everyone around everywhere and am wondering if they'll arrive early enough for zands to meet luc.

OH, speaking of lucien, gillian sent me an email saying "we miss you" and wanted to go out to dinner and catch up and i had mussels for the first time. i was surprised at how i did not dislike them. frog legs are a different story. i think my palette is expanding, but not that far. come on. anyway, i met lucien's cousin and he was very nice. a total reformed nerd, though - you could tell he had undergone a beauty and the geekesque makeover but when i made 4chan references, he dished 'em back with pure delight. that'll do.

what else? i don't know. things are slow here, as usual. i'm looking forward to a short week and then the faaaaaaaaaam.

Well, today I went to Planned Parenthood.

It's funny because the woman who came in to the office to explain "the new health care plan" said that a lot of places were getting familiar with HSAs "because this is the plan that a lot of companies are opting to offer now" - meaning...they're dropping coverage... - and when I brought this up to two people I spoke with, neither had an idea of what an HSA was, and when I explained it, they both made Faces.

Anyway, this whole thing had been stressing me out so much that I was having dreams about babies - I gave birth to twin girls in a dream two nights ago and hung out with Nolan last night in my reveries. Also, I was down to my last Yaz pill and was scared that I would get thrown off somehow and have to wait a while until I could be on it and have it kick in, you know?

ANYWAY, so my appointment was at 10:15 and I got there at 10:13 thanks to wonderful train karma. You go through a metal detector at this particular location, walk through a room of sad and confused dudes waiting for their ladies and come into a room with even sadder and more confused girls. I filled out a couple of sheets about when I started my period and if my boyfriends had ever beaten the shit out of me and waited.

I got called upstairs (I haven't been referred to as "Natalia L." since fourth grade, I think) to talk to a nice woman whose name I now forget about my "financial situation". She asked if I got paid weekly or bi-weekly ("monthly."/"ew, really?") and said I made too much to qualify for free stuff, which was fine. We chatted and she told me that her mother was on Medicare Part B and that they're paying through the nose but she could get hit by a car and have the whole thing paid for.

I went back downstairs and when my name was called around 11, I moved to a section in the back (this felt very Top Model Auditiony except we were all going out for America's Next Top Not Mom for At Least The Next Undisclosed Amount of Time), did kenken and texted until a woman called me in to take my blood pressure (the batteries were not working and it originally said my pulse was 192/116, which was...not right) and told me that I weighed 136 even on the doctor's "this tells you you weigh even more than you actually weigh" scale, which is scary but not unsurprising.

Anyway (#3), so I waited and waited and waited and waited and around 12:30, my name was finally called and I chatted with this nice woman who had an ankle tattoo and wore Crocs and apologized for the wait. I had no idea, but evidently checking off that I had had two migraines in my life was enough of a red flag for her to put me on some other type of contraception. I guess this came out about two years ago - that if you have had migraines with auras even once, you're at a much higher risk for stroke if you take normal contraceptives; one of her coworkers'd had auras in the past, ignored it and had a stroke when she was 35. So I said okay and she put me on one that is better for me and that's wonderful. I went out and picked up six months' worth for cheap and now I don't have to think about it.

I had no idea what to expect except for what I'd see in Juno, but everyone was really nice to me and called me "sweetie" and "baby" when I said please and thank you and whatnot. I was not called a babykiller on my way out (which would have been received with a "fuck you very much" and a Face as it is not even true) and I am glad that I don't have to worry about it anymore. Let's hope my baby dreams stop.

(you should be looking at 71 and 94)

could you imagine jason sudeikis as a sedaris?! hilarity ensues

i promise to write you a normal entry when something exciting happens

who has two thumbs and is not touching her compy all weekend?

this girl.

STOOP DUDE'S THE NAME AND WINNIN'S THE GAME!

this is not out on dvd yet. WHY IS THIS?